Dear NBA free agents, I hope this letter finds you well — all of you, from Gordon Hayward and Kyle Lowry, to Ramon Sessions and K.J. McDaniels. And considering we live in a world where Jrue Holiday just signed a $126 million contract, I'm sure you're feeling positive about your choice of profession right now.
亲爱的自由球员们，愿你们所有人见信安好，不论戈登-海沃德、凯尔-洛瑞，还是拉蒙-赛森斯、K.J.麦克丹尼尔斯。这是个朱-霍乐迪都能拿到1.26亿美金的世界，我相信你们一定也都能感到选择职业篮球的前途一片光明。
You get to pick which team will give you a large sum of money to play basketball, and I'm here to tell you why you should pick a team from the Eastern Conference.当你还在考虑去哪队打球才能赚大把的钞票时，听我的，来东部吧。As you know, the Eastern Conference is trash. It has been for many years — the only time this millennium the East went over .500 head-to-head with the West was in 2008–09. The top seed in the East hasn't had a better record than the West's top seed since the year before LeBron left the Heat.众所周知，这些年东部联盟奇烂无比，本世纪唯一一次能和西部血战，胜负难料的时代也已经是2008-2009赛季的事儿了。自从勒布朗离开热火，东部头名的战绩就一直不如西部榜首。The worst team in the league has been in the East five of the past seven years. The West hasn't had a sub-.500 playoff team since the 1997 Clippers snuck in at 36–46, while the East has had 12 sub-.500 playoff teams since then.反而七年来有五次的联盟副班长却产自东部。1997年快船以36胜46负的战绩挤进前八之后，西部再也没有胜率低于50%的球队进入季后赛，而东部已经有12支了。And this year, the East was as bad as it's ever been. The Celtics were the “best team” despite winning just 53 games and having a historically low point differential for a top seed, and they still couldn't compete with the Cavs. There was one good team and a lot of chaff.今年的东部烂的更加彻底了，凯尔特人仅53胜的战绩竟为东部最佳，这可是历史上分区头名的最差战绩，而且最终他们依然无法和骑士相抗衡。东部就是一支强队和一群鱼腩的故事。The opening salvos of the NBA offseason have made it even weaker. Indiana and Chicago traded away their All-Stars, Paul George and Jimmy Butler, to Western Conference teams for pennies on the dollar.NBA休赛期的政策让这一切愈发严重。印第安纳和芝加哥同时把他们的全明星球员保罗-乔治和吉米-巴特勒送到了西部，却只换回了可怜的筹码。There was talk of both players joining the Celtics or the Cavaliers. Danny Ainge was a suitor for both players, but couldn't pull the trigger on either, holding on to future assets instead.有消息说，这两名球员都传出过加盟凯尔特人和克利夫兰的消息。丹尼-安吉的确对他俩都很感兴趣，但却手握一堆筹码迟迟不肯出手。Former Cavs GM David Griffin was reportedly working on a deal for Butler when he got fired, and the Cavs reportedly had a deal for George worked out Friday night — but Pacers GM Kevin Pritchard decided he wouldn't trade his team's star to an Eastern Conference opponent,前骑士经理大卫-格里芬据说在被解雇前仍在运作着巴特勒的交易，周五克利夫兰也传出过交易乔治的新闻，但步行者经理凯文-普理查德以一句“不可能把我们的球星送给东部的对手”的理由拒绝了。ending up with a worse deal thus preserving the low level of competition out East. And Paul Millsap has left the Hawks for the Nuggets.最终，步行者用一笔糟糕的交易维持了东部的生态平衡，随后保罗-米尔萨普也离开老鹰前往西部掘金。The West will get more stacked. The Rockets have added Chris Paul to James Harden; the Spurs had interest in Andre Iguodala before he reupped with Golden State, and would like to add someone on his level; the Thunder now have George to take some of the load off of Russell Westbrook;此时，西部球队还在不断补强。克里斯-保罗奔赴火箭联手詹姆斯-哈登；安德烈-伊戈达拉续约勇士之前，马刺一直想签下他，即使现在也在寻求同级别的球员；雷霆方面，球队已经有了乔治帮拉塞尔-维斯布鲁克分担压力。the Timberwolves look like an actual basketball team with an All-Star in Butler to go alongside exceptional youngsters Karl-Anthony Towns and Andrew Wiggins, plus a point guard who can space the floor in Jeff Teague;而全明星球员巴特勒身旁则是潜力新星安东尼-唐斯和安德鲁-维金斯，近日又有能扯开空间的控卫杰夫-蒂格加盟，森林狼已经有模有样。the Nuggets added a pivotal piece to a team that missed the playoffs by just one game; and the Warriors remain the Warriors.同样，上赛季仅以一场之差未能闯进季后赛的掘金也刚刚做出关键性补强；当然，明年的勇士还是那个你认识的勇士。This is where you come in.来东部吧。You can make the playoffs in the East! The Pacers and Bulls held down the last two spots last year, and just traded away their pivotally important stars for next to nothing. It's hard to imagine either team contending. The Hawks were the 5-seed, but finished just two games clear of the ninth spot, and might not be a playoff team without Millsap.
在东部你能打季后赛！上赛季拥有最后两张季后赛入场券的步行者和公牛已经拿他们的当家球星去换了空气，他们显然已经没有竞争力了。去年排名第五的老鹰只比第九名多赢了两场比赛，现在没了米尔萨普可能连进季后赛都难了。Who's going to fill those spots? The Heat barely missed the playoffs, and after that were the Pistons and Hornets. The Pistons' leading scorer this past year was Tobias Harris, and they're a playoff contender now. The Hornets are Kemba Walker and late-era Dwight Howard and a bunch of guys Michael Jordan saw playing in one college game, and they're a playoff contender now.谁将取代他们呢？很可能是差点就挤进季后赛的热火，和排名紧随其后活塞与黄蜂。活塞去年的得分王是托比亚-哈里斯，现在他们是季后赛竞争者了。黄蜂拥有肯巴-沃克，新加盟的德怀特-霍华德，还有一群迈克尔-乔丹在NCAA亲自挑选的年轻人，现在他们也有机会参加季后赛了。Anybody who is not aggressively awful in the East is a playoff contender. Meanwhile, out West, there's a team with DeMarcus Cousins and Anthony Davis that might end up as the 10th seed. Are those Timberwolves going to make the playoffs with Butler alongside the fun kids? I hope so, but I also wouldn't bet on it.在东部，只要你敢想敢拼就能进季后赛。与此同时，在西部却没那么幸运，同时拥有德马库斯-考辛斯和安东尼-戴维斯的鹈鹕很可能最后只排名第10位。而森林狼的巴特勒和那群孩子们能进季后赛吗？我只能希望如此，却不敢打保票。In an ideal world, the NBA would switch to an unconferenced system and just have the teams with the best 16 records make the playoffs. It wouldn't have made a difference this year, but several times in past years, it would have. In 2014, the Hawks made the playoffs at 38–44 while the Suns sat home at 48–34; in 2015, the Nets scraped in at 38–44, while the Thunder went fishing at 45–37.我有个设想，改变NBA现有的规则，让战绩最好的16支队伍参加季后赛。不止今年，前几年我就这么想了，早就应该这么做。2014年，38胜44负的老鹰闯进季后赛，48胜34负的太阳却只能回家；2015年，38胜44负的篮网可以继续拼杀，而45胜37负的雷霆只能去钓鱼。You can be an All-Star in the East. Three spots on the squad are opening up with the departures of George, Butler, and Millsap, who alternated starting spots the last two years. Did you know Paul Millsap has been on the Eastern Conference All-Star team four straight years, and nobody even thinks it's weird? Paul Millsap! He's fine, but, should he really be a lock for it, no questions asked?在东部你能打全明星！一下子空出了三个席位，前两年当过全明星首发的乔治，巴特勒和米尔萨普都已经走了。你敢想象吗？米尔萨普已经连续四年出任东部全明星首发了，而且居然没人觉得这很荒谬。对！就是保罗-米尔萨普！虽然他还不错，但就没人想问问他凭什么能锁定这个席位吗？He likely won't make the team in the West, but in the East, he's a no-doubter. Carmelo Anthony has had his worst seasons in over a decade for flailing Knicks teams, and he can't miss the All-Star Game. The best player in the Eastern Conference not on the Cavaliers is quite possibly Giannis Antetokounmpo, and he doesn't even know how to shoot a basketball. Meanwhile, out West, Damian Lillard averaged 27 points per game and couldn't get an invite.他在西部可能连全明星都进不去的，但在东部他毫无对手。卡梅罗-安东尼在风雨飘摇的尼克斯打出了个人十年来最差的数据，但全明星还是不能没有他。东部最好的球员可能是扬尼斯-阿德托昆博而并不在骑士，而他，甚至连投篮都不会。与此同时，西部场均能砍下27分的达米安-利拉德却连个参赛的名额都得不到。By rule, they have to put together an Eastern Conference All-Star team, and I have no idea who's going to be on it. Dion Waiters? Whichever Sixers youngster manages to be healthy this year (if one of them manages to be healthy)?根据规则，东部必须得组支队伍参加全明星，而我绞尽脑汁也想不出来谁有这个资格。迪昂-维特斯？或者76人的某个健康的年轻人？我是说如果，如果他们到时还能有个健康的。You might flip on the TV in February and see a damn Plumlee in the All-Star Game. Don't let this happen. In the East, you might make the team by accident.明年2月，你打开电视看到的很可能是一个该死的普拉姆利在打全明星。千万别让这些发生了，来东部吧！到这里，你很可能意外的就进入全明星了！Do you like New York? Of course you do; every NBA player does. Well, listen to this: If you sign in the East, you get to come to New York at least four times a year and play the awful teams that play there.你喜欢纽约吗？你当然会喜欢，每个NBA球员都喜欢。那好，听我说：在东部，你一年最少能来4次这个大都市，还有狂虐这里烂队的附加福利。Why spend your time criss-crossing Texas to get walloped by the Spurs and Rockets when you could be partying at 1 OAK and beating the garbage Nets in a hungover daze?为什么你非要在德州马刺和火箭的重重狙击下穿越火线，而不去一边泡夜店一边打得篮网头昏眼花。Life is easier in the East. The good teams aren't murderous, the mediocre teams are often bad, and the bad teams are expensive YMCA squads.东部的人生是如此的惬意。强队都是人畜无害的，在这里除了中游球队剩下的都是弱队，那些弱队更是高贵的基督教徒。You're not going to win the Finals, but let's be honest: Unless the Warriors or Cavs tapped you on the shoulder and offered you a minimum contract, you weren't going to win anyway. Somebody has to win games in the Eastern Conference — and I think it should be you.劝你们别想着总决赛了，你得相信：除非勇士或者骑士拍着你的肩膀送你个底薪，不然夺冠就是天方夜谭。有人想来东部赢球吗？我看好你们！更多精彩内容请关注微信公众号、新浪微博：篮球英文堂